


Stink Bombs Do Not Make Good Land Mines

by AlsafiShipsGayThings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Pranks, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 22:36:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6629740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlsafiShipsGayThings/pseuds/AlsafiShipsGayThings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sirius?”  Asked Remus with a sigh, pulling a brick out from underneath him and lobbing it in the direction of the blackboard.</p>
<p>“Yes, Moony dearest?”  Came the reply from somewhere near where the wall used to be.</p>
<p>“Why are we on the floor?”</p>
<p>“It’s complicated.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stink Bombs Do Not Make Good Land Mines

**Author's Note:**

> I should have been studying but instead, I am here writing this. I hope you enjoy the start of my oneshot series about the Marauders pranks at Hogwarts.

It was a cold, dark Sunday afternoon, and as such, Remus was reading in an unused classroom, a habit he had gotten into sometime in Third Year after James hexed has book to snap closed on his nose, he had just reached a rather interesting part when there was an explosion that sent him, and what appeared to be one of the walls of the classroom crashing across several desks and onto the floor. He sat up; decided that he was not likely dying at that given moment and looked around the settling dust and rubble to find a possible source of the explosion. As he was trying to decide whether or not it would be wise to stand up he heard a fit of violent coughing followed by a string of swear words.

“Sirius?” Asked Remus with a sigh, pulling a brick out from underneath him and lobbing it in the direction of the blackboard.

“Yes, Moony dearest?” Came the reply from somewhere near where the wall used to be.

“Why are we on the floor?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Sometimes I hate being your boyfriend.”

“How can you hate anything about me, I am adorable.”

“You also appear to have blown up half a classroom in what I can only assume is a failed prank.”

“None of my pranks fail Moony, they just yield different results to what I expected the original outcome to be.”

“You once accidentally locked us in a broom cupboard together for 7 hours.”

“That was no accident Moony, you ended up confessing your love for me and that’s what I call a success.”

Both of them were now standing up, Remus on one side of the classroom still holding the book he was reading (Madame Pince was going to kill him), Sirius on the other end, near were the wall was, trying to get the dust out of his hair. While Remus was still trying to grasp the situation, and Sirius was trying to get a hunk of brick and dust dislodged from his shaggy black hair, James stuck his head through the large hole in the wall.

“Pads, you dead? Oh hey Moony, didn’t realise you were in here, sorry ‘bout the mess.” James said looking around.

“Sorry about the mess? Is that all you have to say?” Remus spluttered, “Is anyone going to explain to me what is going on here?”

Sirius looked at James, James looked at Sirius. Remus glared at James, then he glared at Sirius.

James looked as if he were going to respond but appeared to stop himself before he could say anything. 

“Well…” Sirius began to answer but was quickly cut off by the arrival of Peter who stepped into Remus’ view through the now ex-wall.

“Prongs, Padfoot we have a bit of a proble – holy crap what happened here?" Peter asked, gazing around the rubble in amazement .

“I think that maybe we might have, sorta, kinda fucked up the spell,” said James

“You don’t say.” Sirius growled.

“What spell? What have you two knuckleheads been up to?” Remus asked exasperatedly.

“Oh hi Moony!” Peter said happily turning to face the dust-covered werewolf.

“Wormy, you said we had a problem.” Sirius had fixed his hair and decided that now was the time to re-enter the conversation. 

“Oh yeah! McGonagall is on her way,” he said holding out what Remus identified as the almost finished Marauder’s Map. 

“So’s Filch, by the looks of it,” said James taking hold of the map.

“We should probably skedaddle,” said Sirius.

“Skedaddle? Really? What are you, twelve?” Chided James.

“Out of ten,” replied Sirius with a grin, “Point still stands, we should leave.”

They quickly ran out of the hole, and with the aid of several shortcuts and the Map, managed to make it back to the Common Room without being caught.

-o0o-

“Lupus Stella.” Sirius panted.

The Fat Lady nodded and waved them through as she swung forwards. They clambered forwards through the portrait hole and collapsed into chairs. Peter sat in an armchair, staring into a the fire, James took another armchair with a view of the common room, and more specifically Lily Evans, Remus sat on the couch and Sirius flopped across Remus’ lap.

“I believe I am owed an explanation,” Remus said looking from one Marauder to the next, absentmindedly stroking Sirius’ hair.

“Well I got this brilliant idea from that Muggle movie you showed me, you know about the spies and stuff?”  
“Oh Merlin, I hope not,” groaned Remus.

Sirius pointedly ignored him and continued on.

“So I saw in one part they had an explosive that went off when the bad guy stepped in front of it, and I thought to myself:  
Padfoot, that’s what my inner voice refers to me as you know, Snivellous is a bad guy, so why don’t we make one of these “Mine” thingos and use them on him.  
Of course as much as I hate him I don’t want him to die, I mean we’d have no one to play pranks on if he died, so me and Prongs decided to make Stink Bomb Land Mines.”

James at this point was distractedly staring at Lily Evans across the Common Room while making sort of whiny noises; at least he was until he was hit in the face with a pillow, courtesy of Sirius. 

“I am telling a story, now quit your pining and listen to me, for I am the Brilliant, Handsome and Oh-So-Clever Sirius Black, who excels at many things, particularly story telling.”

Remus let out a snort of laughter and Peter looked up in surprise and hoped that no one had noticed him picking his nose.

Now satisfied that everyone was paying attention to him, Sirius continued. 

“As I was saying, me and Prongs decided to make some Stink Bomb Land Mines. We got the stink bombs and put the modified Bombarda spell on them so that they would only explode when someone walks in front of them,” Sirius explained.

“I’m starting to understand where this is heading.” Remus said, kneading his temples with his knuckles.

“Hush child, it is story time,” Sirius said grumpily.

“My apologies your highness, you may continue.”

“Yes I may. We placed them all along the Charms Corridor wall while Peter tried to get Snivelly to come down said corridor and set them off, but James here stuffed up the spell.”

“I may have stuffed up the spell, but you set them off too early!” James shouted.

“Can I finish weaving my amazing tale? Thank you. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by false accusations, for which you have no evidence, may I add,” he said jokingly glaring at James,” Prongs stuffed up the spell, so when I ran back past them to hide with James and catch the look on Snivellys’ face, so I could accurately describe it to you later my dearest Moony, in another attempt to dazzle you with my brilliance so I can whisk you off to my bed and have my way with you, they exploded.” Sirius said, reaching up to grab his boyfriends’ head and bringing him down into a kiss. Peter pointedly looked away while James turned his head to face Lily and made another sort of whiny noise.

“Please don’t tell me you guys do it while I’m in the room.” Peter said quietly.

“Fine, we won’t tell you,” said Sirius, “You’ll just have to assume we are at all times.”

Peter shuddered and turned back to the fire 

Remus smiled and pulled Sirius into another kiss. After a few seconds James coughed and they separated.

“Are you going to continue your story?” Asked James.

“I cannot, for I am too distracted by the treacherous Moony,” came Sirius’ reply.

“Treacherous am I?” Remus laughed and pushed his boyfriend playfully off the couch.

Sirius sat up on the floor, “I cannot continue my story as I appear to have been slain by a rather ferocious werewolf.”

“Then I will continue the story as I see fit,” said James, “And show Moony that it is all your fault the classroom exploded. We had set them to go off when someone went past, and your genius boyfriend over here ran past them to get back to me after we had set them up. Unfortunately I appear to have accidentally made the explosion a bit to strong, as the stink bombs did not go off, so much as they disintegrated and then blew a hole in the wall.” 

“Maybe next time we shouldn’t make the spell so strong.” Said Sirius.

“Maybe next time we could put them all over the Slytherin dungeons!” James exclaimed.

Sirius jumped up from his seat on Remus’ feet and high-fived James. As they were congratulating themselves for that brilliant idea, Lily Evans walked over. Upon noticing her, James started fiddling with his tie and trying to smooth his hair.

“Wotcher Evans.” Sirius said, elbowing James in the ribs.

“I’ve just been told by Marlene that one of the classrooms in the Charms Corridor exploded, you guys wouldn’t know anything about that would you?” Lily asked with a smile at James who flushed a deep crimson.

“Haven’t the foggiest," said Sirius with a grin.


End file.
